FINAL THOUGHTS
India amazed me and I feel fortunate to have experienced India as an 'insider'. Beyond attending a wedding, however, I found India to be one of the most fascinating countries to visit, a country that has so much more to offer than just the Taj Mahal.
I am grateful to the families of Hariyot and Komal for welcoming me and allowing me to participate in their most poignant and most intimate moments.
Their wedding gave me an insight on the differences between arranged marriages and the Western tradition of finding a mate. For one, arranged marriages are not just about the marriage of a couple, but they are also about the marriage of two families. It begins with discussions between the two families before the couple has a chance to meet.
Their wedding gave me an insight on the differences between arranged marriages and the Western tradition of finding a mate. For one, arranged marriages are not just about the marriage of a couple, but they are also about the marriage of two families. It begins with discussions between the two families before the couple has a chance to meet.
The union of two families is one of the great advantages of arranged marriages. With the two families so deeply engaged in the entire process, the couple has a strong support network to act as mentors, guidance counselors, and mediators; to guide the couple through the ups and downs of marriage; and to provide assistance when the baby comes. The close-knit nature of such families also means that when they grow old and too frail to take care of themselves, their extended family will take care of them. The engagement of the family in an individual's life from birth to death may sound stifling to most Westerners, but this is part of the cultural DNA of India. This was reflected when Hariyot and his siblings visited Jivan in the U.S. 5 years or so before his wedding. What was remarkable was how engaged and happy they were with their parents even though two of the siblings were in their late teens. Similar U.S. teenagers wouldn't want anything to do with their parents.
Community is also an integral part of life in India. Much has been reported about the dysfunctional aspects of Indian society such as harassment of women, sanitation, and corruption. But, Indian communities are much more tightly knit than other societies around the world.
Attending an Indian wedding will stick in my mind as one of my most poignant experiences. It reminds me that even on the opposite side of the world, we share the same values, ambitions, worries, and interests.
All the while, I was constantly reminded that the kind of wedding I attended is available to only the wealthiest in Indian society. The vision of Ghandi for an equitable India, and an equitable world remains a futuristic dream.
But rich or poor, marriage remains a universal institution and a celebration of what makes us human. This is something that no amount of money or lack of it can take away.
FAREWELL TO INDIA!
LOGISTICS. Weddings are a highly intimate event for Indians, so you're not likely to find attending a wedding on the list of experiences you can buy at the tour agency. Consequently, you will need to be close friends with an Indian family to get invited. Indian weddings don't just occur in India - they occur anywhere where there's Indians, especially in the U.S., Canada, and the U.K. Such weddings have their own unique twists and if one of the spouses is not Indian, the wedding may be a unique 'fusion' wedding. If you ever have the fortune of being invited to an Indian wedding, make sure you're clear on the etiquette of such weddings, especially if it's in India. Your hosts should brief you on the dos and don'ts, but if you're one of only a handful of non-Indian guests, you may have to ask. Resources are also available on the internet. If you're ever in doubt, just ask the Indians - they're very forgiving of innocent gaffes and they are always eager to make you feel comfortable in your new surroundings.